


Diamonds Never Lie To Me

by The_Marron



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slash, shadow of the templar au?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-03-23 07:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3759922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Marron/pseuds/The_Marron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somebody was already there.<br/>Somebody was sitting on his chair.<br/>Somebody was looking at him in fear.<br/>"I should just shoot you." he growled, not lowering his gun, keeping it trained on the figure in front of him.  He closed the door, not wanting to traumatize the neighbours.<br/>"I think you cannot shoot me until I am actually doing something" Came the unsure response.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Today was not Dwalin's day.

First, he overslept. Then, when he finally got to work, his coffee maker decided to go on a strike and refused to work. If that wasn't enough, some bloody newbie arrested Nori, AGAIN, even though there should be a memo around proclaiming 'HE IS COVERT OPS, FOR F*** 'S SAKE', but then again, it's not like it was any of Dwalin's business.

Or, it shouldn't be, but obviously, when you arrest a drug dealer you go with him to Art Theft. Obviously.

Struggling with an enormous headache Dwalin carried on with his day. Soon, the headache was strengthened by a close encounter with Thorin in his righteous fury directed at somebody from local police. Judging from the colourful epithets used by his team boss, it was probably Thranduil.

"... And that goes for your whole division! You step in One. More. Time..." That was all Dwalin had to hear to decide he didn't really want to know.

Around noon, he had finally finished his report on the successful extraction of Madame Divgh's bracelet and satisfied with life, he left the building with almost-smile on his face. His plans included getting cold beer, turning on the TV and pretending that he has any kind of life aside from his work.

Not that he did.

He simply loved his work.

There was nothing better than arresting jerks who thought they were too clever to be caught. Nothing better than seeing those poor Catwoman-wannabies being sentenced for their crimes. That, and the art was beautiful as it was. Dwalin was sure, that had he not been persuaded otherwise by Thorin back in High School, he would end up in a museum, or art gallery, as a guardian. True, it would be kind of degradation, but at least he could be near his passion.

Thankfully, Thorin and the rest of that crazy bunch he called his friends came along. And that's how the FBI was richer in one art Theft Team, and one Drug Team. They probably regretted it now and then.

Dwalin certainly didn't.

Until he opened the door to his flat.

He immediately grabbed his gun.

Somebody was already there.

Somebody was sitting on his chair.

Somebody was looking at him in fear.

"I should just shoot you." he growled, not lowering his gun, keeping it trained on the figure in front of him.

He closed the door, not wanting to traumatize the neighbours.

"I think you cannot shoot me until I am actually doing something" Came the unsure response.

Dwalin turned on the lights.

In the light of lamps, Bilbo Baggins looked certainly worse than he did while obscured by shadows. His face was sunken and bruised and there were bags under his eyes. Yet, he looked healthy enough not to die or, worse bleed over Dwalin's furniture.

"I still opt for shooting you. I should have shot you 2 years ago!"

"Now, I think you are overreacting..."

"Stay where you are!" Bilbo raised both of his hands in surrender.

"I am unarmed, harmed and hungry. What can I do to you? Faint on you?" Dwalin considered it for a moment.

"You are a liar. I know better than to let you speak." He said carefully.

Considering the mess from two years ago, Bilbo had to have some pretty good reason to break into Dwalin's apartment and wait for him. This was no social call, and, frankly, Dwalin wanted Bilbo to go, now. And yet... It must be important. Or at least interesting.

He put the gun down and went to his fridge to get his beer. Somebody ate all of his tomatoes, but considering that he had a thief sitting on his chair, he really shouldn't be surprised.

"So, without any dramatic and moving stories, what do you want? You know of course, that I should have arrested you the moment I saw you, therefore you must have something worth my while. So?" Bilbo chuckled.

"You are sure you don't want to hear the story?"

"Positive." Cut Dwalin and sat down on his sofa, facing his unexpected guest.

Bilbo sighed.

"I need your help. It won't be much, hardly any trouble for you, and you will be rewarded."

"Rewarded for what?"

"For saving my life." Said Bilbo, and looked Dwalin straight in the eye. As Dwalin remembered him, Bilbo always had a knack for drama.

"Your life?" He repeated, doubtfully. "I know, for you it is not much, but I've grown accustomed to it and do not wish to part from it so soon."

"Should have thought about it sooner." It didn't take a genius to figure it out. Bilbo had pissed one of his employers, or just stolen from one person too many and now had some angry tail thirty for his blood.

Call him stonehearted, but Dwalin was neither moved, nor interested in that. Bilbo was a grown up boy, he made the decision to be a criminal, now he has to deal with it.

"It is none of my business. And I don't need any dirty money." That last part wasn't true exactly, for he wanted a new car, but he could find better ways of getting the money for it.

"I never offered you money."

"Stop with this mysterious, sad voice. You are no femme fatale, you do not look entrancing in this light and I still honestly don't want to save your hide."

"And here I thought we were..."

" Say 'friends' and I will shoot you repeatedly and claim self-defence."

"Fine. I will give you the Arkenstone."

What the ever-loving fuck.

 

_2 years ago_

 

"That's something for you, Thorin!" Shouted the Annoyingly Cheerful Guy working for Saruman the White, The Greatest Boss to Ever Boss, as proclaimed by the lovely poster hanging in the corridor. Apparently the time for raises in pay-checks was drawing near. The Guy worked for the boss for 2 months now and he was still annoying and cheerful.

"What is 'something for me' ?" Growled the leader of Erebor Team, the seventh division of Art Theft. Thorin Oakenshield after some coffee was bearable. Thorin as he was then, without a sip of coffee in his veins, was bordering on murderous.

"The case!" Dwalin winced. Maybe the Annoying Guy was feeding of the hatred directed towards him. Or maybe he just had a very strong death wish. No one should dare to be so cheerful so early in the morning. No one.

"What about it?" Great, now Thorin was standing.

That woke Balin up, who now sat straightly in his seat and was possibly convincing his brain to wake up as well.

"It's the case of your father! The Arkenstone is back in the game!" And these were the last words of Annoyingly Cheerful Guy, for Thorin jumped at him and tore the papers from his hands. The Guy let go of the folder and with a cheery 'Haveaniceday' disappeared behind the door.

"The Arkenstone..." Judging from Thorin's tone, Dwalin should now stand next to him and stare longingly into the distance. As it was, he just coughed.

"That Arkenstone?" Inquired Balin, getting up. So, it really is the matter worthy of looking into the distance.

"What is the Arkenstone?" Asked Dwalin, innocently. Thorin and Balin turned to him with confounded looks on their face, as if they have just realized that he was in the room as well.

"It's my father's only failure." Dwalin was ready to point out that looking at Thrain's parenting methods, not his _only_ failure, but he decided to make a good use of his Miranda rights and remain silent.

"And it is special because...?"

"Because at first, it belonged to my grandfather. It was stolen from us. And then, it was stolen from somebody else and the case was given to my father. After almost a yearlong investigation, he almost traced it. And then it was stolen once again and the trail went cold. He never recovered from this."

"Wait. So this is the case that ended his career?" Now, that was just stupid. Who in their right mind decides, that losing one gem is the biggest failure ever and resigns from their position? Dwalin always assumed that somebody died, or something, and that's why Thrain left the FBI. But one little jewel?

"Grandfather loved it. He considered it the worthiest treasure he ever possessed..." And his wife probably loved that. Thorin was, and probably forever will be, Dwalin's best friend, but it did not change the fact that Thorin should finally see himself as the abused child he was. True, nobody hit him, or starved him, but his father-figures were not exactly sane. But try telling him that.

"Great. Ok. I get it, it is important, we need to take it etc. So? What do we do?"

Thorin studied the papers in his hand. "Now it seems to be in possession of Mr. Smaug, whoever that is. Our source claims, that it came to Smaug from some thief, and there is a strong evidence to believe that it was the same thief that had stolen it two previous times."

"So we go after the thief, not after the jewel?" Asked Balin, surprised. Thorin smirked.

"Not exactly. Finances claim that Smaug is doing something fishy with his books and with donations to his charity funds. They want the info and in exchange, we get both the lead on our thief and the jewel." Dwalin choked back a laugh.

"Those bastards. They want to send us undercover, to a man they assume has some involvement with mob and they want to take credit for it. Just because they gave us a diamond? A diamond that has no real value for us as a team, because it cannot be returned to the state, only to you? Nicely played, because of course you're going to do it."

"We. We are going to do it." Said Balin, glaring daggers at Dwalin's head. Obviously.

Balin always had a certain soft spot for Thorin, mostly because Thorin was the younger brother Balin wanted, unlike Dwalin. Balin's requirements regarding younger brother figure were simple - 'they must be younger, shorter than me, and must listen to me". Dwalin stopped fulfilling last two when he was 10, therefore Balin had to find a new object of his love. Thank god, Thorin was just two houses away.

"Fine. Who goes as a covert?" Don't let it be him. He preferred being the communication guy, thank you very much. Less lying, less stress, and greater possibility of fights. James Bond movies lie, that he learnt pretty early in the Academy. The undercover guy thinks, listens and risks life, the rest of the team listens to him, delivers the messages and kills the bad guys.

"I will go. I want you on communication." Yes!

"Balin, be a devil and get the rest of the team here in 15 minutes"

"Will do."

"Bofur will take care of the eventual weapons, Drugs will survive without him for a while... Oh, and bring Ori from Finances. I'll need some fake papers. When Glóin and Óin get here, tell them I want them as reconnaissance. We are going to bring that thing back!” Shouted Thorin, and the urge to look into the distance overcame Dwalin once more. Thorin was wasting himself as an agent. He should paint his face blue and lead Scots to their freedom or something.

When he finally left the room, Dwalin looked at his brother.

"Can I call that operation 'Expensive Daddy Issues'?"

Balin said nothing. But he sighed exasperatedly, so Dwalin counted that as a win.


	2. Chapter 2

Sharing a living space with a thief should be more worrying than it was.

The house looked clean every time Dwalin came back from work, and to make the situation even stranger, Bilbo usually prepared some meal for them both. As if he came here as a maid and not as a dramatic scoundrel fearing consequences of his poor life choices.

After the Arkenstone bomb was dropped, Dwalin decided not to ask any additional questions. He honestly didn't want to know.

Hell, he didn't want to have anything to do with Arkenstone ever again.

But before he could throw Baggins through the door, he thought about Thorin. Thorin would want Arkenstone and would never forgive Dwalin not taking it when he could. No matter the circumstances.

Right.

The fateful conversation took place 3 days ago and Dwalin still didn't know whether he should tell Thorin that their personal failure from the past was now sleeping on Dwalin's sofa and playing the house-wife, leaving Dwalin shopping lists to complete the picture. He should inform Thorin.

But... He really, really did not want to see Thorin as he was 2 years ago.

Never again.

That, and Bilbo probably did not want Thorin to know. Not that Dwalin cared about Bilbo's opinion on that matter. No matter the trouble he was in, he got into them himself, and had no right to complain, or whatever. Dwalin owed him nothing. He just wanted the stone.

"I am back. I hope you are still alive, because if I don't get my coffee in next 5 minutes I will hand you to authorities!" He shouted, entering his apartment.

"I refuse to be terrorized!" Came the offended reply as Bilbo left the kitchen, handing Dwalin a fresh cup of hot coffee with a glare.

" Pshh. But you still made the coffee." Bilbo rolled his eyes at that. Dwalin looked at him closely. His bruises started to fade somehow, but the hunted look did not leave his face. The darkening of bags he sported under his eyes suggested that he was rather laying on the sofa than sleeping on it. And now he was looking at Dwalin expectantly.

He probably wanted to be asked about the story, but Dwalin firmly refused to ask him anything.

He didn't want to _understand_ , he didn't want to _see_ , he didn't want to feel sorry for the thief. The scars Bilbo left on the team two years ago were now healed and reopening them to clear burglar's conscience was simply not worth it.

"How was work?" This time it was Dwalin who rolled his eyes.

"You don't have to behave like a guest. You are a free-loader and favour-caller, stick to that role."

"I was simply trying to be civilized."

"No need to." Dwalin took a sip of his coffee. At least it was a good coffee.

"Fine. Then I am bored out of my mind and want to live a little by listening to somebody else having an actual life." The little bastard was almost smiling. The urge to throw him out came back.

"I still do not feel sorry for you. I hope you are aware." Bilbo nodded his head, morosely.

"But, heck, I can tell you." Another sip of coffee. Maybe he won't throw Bilbo out just now.

" Balin and Ori are investigating Khazad-Dum museum. Apparently some of the sculptures that are sent there never see the light of day. Administration of the place claim, that they never got there, but there are papers that claim that they were delivered to the city." Bilbo bit his lip at that and Dwalin opened his mouth to ask, but thankfully, he reminded himself that he still very firmly still didn't care. They will get there on their own, and if not, he could always interrogate Bilbo later.

"I want tell you any details, because you are still a filthy criminal. Bofur, even though he got promoted and most of his explosions harm the Criminal Department now, had joined us today for the sake of the case. Kili and Fili were delighted, especially when..." Here, he cut himself off. Bilbo looked a little watery-eyed and was looking at his feet.

Of course.

That's why he asked. To show that he still cares about the team, and want to know how are they.

Oh, no. Not on Dwalin's watch.

_That bloody bastard!_

"You are not doing this again." He informed Bilbo. "You are not getting close to any of them, their lives do not concern you. You have no right, you...!"

"Yes, I know, all right?!" Shouted the thief and left for the kitchen. Dwalin finished his coffee in a gulp. He should've informed Thorin. Balin. Bofur, for God's sake, someone...

They should be warned.

 _2 years ago_ "

Great. So, listen up, team!" Thorin was positively gleeful. Even the Annoyingly Cheerful Guy looked a little put-off by Thorin's sudden good mood. " We've been working for this moment past 2 weeks. Tonight operation... " Daddy Issues.

As if on cue, Balin glared at Dwalin. His brother knew him too well."... ARKENSTONE is a go!"

"Yay." Dead-panned Glóin.

"Thanks to Ori, I got my papers as a skilled and worth employing Accounting Manager and after the job interview last week, today I got the information that I am to start next week. " Continued Thorin, ignoring the interruption.

"Thankfully, Balin's teachings did not go to waste and I passed it on my own, we don't have to hack into their system." Kili whined with disappointment.

"So now, we have to move the team to the field. Do we have the flats?"

"Yup." Answered Óin." Both relatively close to Erebor company. Yours is slightly smaller, but you will manage."Thorin harrumphed in acknowledgement.

"Great. We will move there at the weekend, so Monday morning everyone will be ready. If you have something to do, do it now. We don't know how long it would take to find evidence we are looking for, provided that it exists. " Everyone nodded.

"Great. Anything new on Smaug's file?" Ha, his time to shine.

"Nothing really interesting. He apparently got himself a new assistant. that's about it."

"Great. New assistant might be swayed to share some information they are not supposed to share. I will look into it. What's their name?"

"Bilbo Baggins. "


	3. Chapter 3

The voices on the other side of the door were unnerving him.

Of course, looking at it rationally, he was doing nothing wrong.

He was a full-time agent and he had the clearance to look into every file available. And he wasn't even trying to take it home, copy it, or anything. And yet.

He felt like he was doing something dirty, like eating the cake before the dinner.

And for what? For a good for nothing burglar.

It's been a week. A week since Bilbo came to him and they have now arrived at some kind of an impasse. Dwalin still refused to ask Bilbo anything, but he began to see the fruitlessness of just keeping him in the house just because Bilbo 'felt threatened.' So, to make everything clear, he asked, just this once, who Bilbo thought was after him.

And he did not like the answer.

He should've known that Bilbo would get entangled in something any sane person would avoid, but Gundabad? He thought he was persecuted by Gundabad? Either Bilbo was out of his mind and making things up, or he wasn't making things up and still out of his mind. Who would have tried anything with Gundabad?

Even the FBI, and Dwalin was the last to admit it, could not get the hold of Gundabad. Yes, they have driven the group out of town, but they have never caught them or even spotted them. Arrested their contacts, ironically, Smaug involved, yes. But they have never discovered any identity, any plan, any informant. For Bilbo to come into contact with them... Unlikely.

But if it was, by any chance, true, then no wonder Baggins did not leave Dwalin's apartment.

He also had run out of fresh clothes, because he started wearing Dwalin's. And it was an awful sight to witness, mostly because Dwalin remembered it all too well- Bilbo standing in the kitchen of the rented flat, in nothing but his own sweatpants and Thorin's shirt, making coffee and teasing Fili about his codename alongside Thorin and Kili. Two years and it feels like a whole lifetime.

To the point when looking at Bilbo makes Dwalin feel as if he was the one with the messy break up and now forced to live with his ex. But, the truth was even worse.

Cue his paranoia now and jumping every time someone got near to the archives.

If Thorin knew... It would take just one moment, one knock at Dwalin's door and all hell would break loose.

Thorin would probably murder Bilbo and then cry about it, like a drama queen he was. Not that Dwalin could blame him. But at the same time...

Enough.

He already was being more than a decent human being, he was now checking whether Bilbo was right to tfeel threatened, he was literally gathering intel for a criminal. He didn't need to get more involved in the mess called Bilbo's life.

He will check the sources and then dump the man outside. And his conscience will finally allow him to rest. Harboring the criminal was taking its toll on him. And he considered himself tough...

... And here it is. The newest report on Gundabad's moves.

Dwalin scanned through the paper. _Presence in town not proven_. Tsk. Crybaby. He probably... _Intensified activity of intelligence gathering. Some contacts claim to have been visited by people in black hoods looking for 'Baggins'. Possible link to case 289 ARKENSTONE to be looked into_.

Well fuck.

Dwalin hurriedly put the paper back into the manila folder he took it from. Calming his breathing, he exited the archives room trying to look as if nothing had happened and went back to his team's room, willing himself to forget what he had read for the time being.

"Well, you certainly took your time! Meeting with a sweetheart on your way? Or maybe just selling intel to the mob? " Teased Glóin. _You have no fucking idea_.

"Yup. You know me. I cannot refuse any pretty lady, and your wife has great..." He ducked, avoiding being hit with a shoe. From the looks of it, it came from the evidence.

Somebody will sue them, sooner or later for misplacing something vital for the case and Thranduil's police dogs will have a field day with doing the bust alongside Elrond's lawyers. What an awful thought to entertain.

"... You didn't let me finish." He pointed out, sitting on his chair.

"Good. If you did, he'd have to kill you." Said Balin and patted Dwalin's shoulder. Good team routine was back. Every distraction was welcome now.

"Just so you know, my wonderful spouse is faithful and will forever be faithful! She has not only beauty, but also strong morals! She  would never cheat on me! Or lie to me! I can trust her completely..." Glóin had not finished. Fili had elbowed him in ribs.

Thorin was already in the room and his lips were now forming that thin line of ' I did not want to hear that.' He was now very actively glaring at Glóin, as if having a wife and talking about her was a great offence. Maybe now it was. Maybe now everyone was supposed to force themselves into celibacy, because Thorin did so. Once again Dwalin was torn between a pure, loyal compassion for his friend, and irritation at his dramatic martyrdom.

"We've got a work to do." As always.

Unwillingly, Dwalin smirked.

He remembered all too well how Thorin did his work those two years ago and now it came to beat them all in their collective ass, through the rest did not know it yet.

And the reason for that was not lounging on Dwalin's sofa, in Dwalin's shirt.

He truly preferred when it was Thorin's shirt, and Thorin's sofa.

_2 years ago_

" _.. and here we go folks, let's get ready to ramble!_ " shouted Bofur's excited voice,almost hurting Thorin's ear. He should have demanded to have earpiece with volume-regulation, or something.

"Oak in position." He replied and adjusted his tie.

" _And looking good_!" commented Fili through the earpiece. Thorin did not roll his eyes because that was a childish thing to do.

But then again, his team consisted of children with drinking permits, not true adults.

 _"Operation 'Quest' is a go_!"

" _Tinkerman, we are still not naming it that_." Replied exasperated voice that belonged most probably to Balin.

 _"Awww, Santa, you are no fun!_ " Replied Bofur and Thorin could hear the pout.

Children with drinking permits.

Sighing, Thorin left his flat and started his walk to his new workplace. He was not exactly fond of undercover, mostly because something always goes south. Always.

And while risking his own skin was preferable to risking anyone else's, it still wasn't pleasurable.

At least this time he doesn't have to investigate a brothel with three almost teenagers who were torn between excitement and dying of embarrassment. No more interns. Ever.

But, undercover had its pros. No Annoyingly Cheerful Guy for example.

And since he is the agent who does all the heavy-lifting, he could probably rope somebody else into writing a report.

Feeling slightly better, Thorin entered the building.

"Good morning!" He greeted the receptionist, and she smiled at him hesitatingly, as if she was not sure whether he was permitted to go there, yet still unwilling to tell him that.

"I am the new Accountant Manager." He said, because he was a kind man by nature.

"Oh! Then, before you go to the Accountant floor, you must go see Mr. Smaug! He said that he wants to make sure you are comfortable." She said with a trained, professional smile.

"Great. Thank you!" He replied and went for the elevators.

" _Do we even know where is his office?_ " Inquired Kili's voice in Thorin's ear.

 _"He is not supposed to have the layout of the building memorized, right? It would be strange if he knew._ " Argued Fili. That was a good point, even though he actually knew where Smaug's office was. He did his research.

But Fili was right, using that knowledge would not be wise. Smart boys. He got off on floor nine, because the short information board in the elevator claimed that it was 'Administrative Offices' area.

When he entered the corridor he was greeted with a sight of numerous closed doors. So, no glass cubicles. More difficult to observe all of the workers, but he was counting on Bofur for that.The man will have the cameras in no time.

Now, to get to Smaug's office...

"Excuse me?" He turned.

From the corridor on his right came a short man holding a stack of papers from the looks of it.

"I am terribly sorry that I did not manage to pick you up earlier, but these just came in." The man said, smiling at Thorin apologetically. " I am Bilbo Baggins, at your service, and I was supposed to bring you to Mr. Smaug's office 5 minutes ago, terribly sorry for the delay."

"Thomas Proctor." Replied Thorin and shook the man's hand. So this was Smaug's assistant... He didn't look like it. He looked like a suburban dad, with his easy smiles, pudge and unsure looks. In truth, he looked utterly incompetent. Maybe Smaug kept him for other reasons.

Maybe it was the weak link Thorin needed. It was too good to be true. A simpleton in charge of every important piece of information.

"Great. So, let us go. Mr. Smaug is a patient man, but he has his limits." Baggins turned and made the 'follow me' motion. They passed a few doors and finally stopped in front of the biggest ones. Obviously. Businessmen and their egos.

Still, they made an impression. Baggins knocked and immediately entered, not waiting for the reply. Definitely _other reasons_.

"Ah. Our new crew member." Came the deep voice. The man standing behind the desk did not look the part. He was tall, with short fiery hair and he resembled a slightly overweight prince Harry more than Bill Gates or Michael Douglas in _Wall Street_.

"I usually don't greet my new employees in person, but a man with such references as yours, to join us in such convenient time..." _He knew_. Thorin did everything he could to not betray anything. _Calm down_.

Smaug possibly didn't know. He suspected, yes, which meant that he was hyper-aware of his surroundings now. He expected someone to come, but he doesn't know which new employee is genuine and which is not. He is just looking. And he is up to something, if he is so suspicious.

"I was not aware that the time was convenient, I am displeased to say. You offered the job and I wanted it more than my current one at the time." He replied, trying to colour his voice with polite confusion.

"But of course." Smaug smiled at that. It was not a pleasant smile. "Then let me say, we are happy that you decided to join our company, Mister Proctor, and I shall hope that you will share my feelings." The man's gaze was almost burning now.

The previous certainty that Smaug knew nothing was slowly losing its strength.

"Sir." Both of them looked to the right. The forgotten Baggins was still smiling. "While I share your excitement over new manager, I did brought you this folders for a reason." He said and smiled even more.

Was this man stupid? But, amazingly, Smaug smiled. "Yes, of course. I wish you a good day, Mister Proctor. I pressume we will see each other during the Friday meeting." And with the last threatening smile, Smaug lowered his head to gaze at the files Baggins put in front of him.

"Good day." Mumbled Thorin and turned to leave. When he gazed at Baggins to nod at him in goodbye, he was met with a calculating gaze that did not suit the man's posture.

Maybe it would not be as easy as he thought.


	4. Chapter 4

Another two weeks have passed and they have not brought any resolve to the impasse Dwalin and Bilbo found themselves in.

Since Dwalin refused to ask and then refused to tell Bilbo anything, their co-existence consisted mostly of silence. Bilbo still prepared meals and walked through the flat like a ghost- miserably and quietly, but at least he stopped trying to mingle with Dwalin.

Which, unfortunately, proved to be bothersome now, since with new data on Gundabad Dwalin's conscience was pestering him to talk to Bilbo, to ask him what the hell did he do to piss them off and how did he even find them. It could turn beneficial for the FBI, to get a lead on Gundabad, to finally bring them to justice.

And yet.

Asking Bilbo meant listening to him. And including in that talk the whole Arkenstone debacle and finally Dwalin will have to listen to Baggins' side of the story. Hating him was much easier without knowing his reasons and Dwalin intended to keep it that way.

But he was getting tired. His team was obnoxious as ever, loud as ever and energetic, but they were doing no breakthrough in the case, which meant it was tied to Gundabad some way. All the roads led back to Bilbo.

Dwalin sighed.

"You seem down lately. And distracted. Is something wrong?" Startled, Dwalin looked at Ori. They were sitting in the office cafeteria and were supposed to have lunch. As it was now, Dwalin was absent-mindedly sipping his coffee and ignoring his companion.

"Sorry. Lots on my mind. " He replied. Now, he felt bad. Since most of their group of friends were in different units they met at lunch, swapping stories and catching up whenever it was possible. And now Dwalin took the mantle from Thorin and started _brooding_. That Baggins. His presence resulted in depression.

"That I can see." Commented Ori, smiling. Before Dwalin could reply, they were joined by Nori and Bofur, both carrying plates full of something that was most definitely not healthy.

"What are you so intently silent about?" Asked Nori, sitting next to Dwalin and immediately reaching for his cup of coffee. Thankfully, good reflexes allowed Dwalin to successfully defend his possession.

"We weren't exactly silent. It was more of 'I'd talk, but he is thinking' " replied Ori and waved his hand at somebody behind Dwalin's back. Without turning, Dwalin moved to make room for Fili and Kili and their trays.

"Yes, and Grappler cannot think and talk at the same time, we get it."

"Oh, sod off, Simba." that earned him a glare from Fili. Not that Fili actively hated his codename. It was rather an inside joke. When their team met, they were usually making fun of Thorin's speeches, Glóin's affections for his wife and son, Bifur's many weird hairstyles and Fili's codename. It was tradition. And really, the lad should have known better than getting seriously drunk on his inauguration day and sharing all of his embarassing childhood stories. Or, rather, letting Kili tell all of his embarassing childhood stories. Especially those about _the Lion King_ fascination.

"No, but they are onto something, you know? You seem... Too serious." Said Kili, also making a grab at Dwalin's coffee. Awful people.

"Hands off!" In revenge, he stole some chips from Kili's tray."And I am a serious adult, just so you know." He added, finishing his coffee.

"Whatever." Nori shrugged at that and went on to change the topic." Is it me, or our interns are even more stupid than year before? Do Finances even have interns? Or do you just breed your workers in..." The rest of the conversation that resulted was lost on Dwalin. Once again he slipped into his mind, from time to time nodding to whatever Fili said, because out of everybody here, he was the most sensible.

He should tell them.

He really, really should tell them. They would understand. They are younger, more ambitious, they will care only about ending the case. With their help he would get rid of Bilbo in no time, take back the Arkenstone and maybe even find the Wraiths, as they were codenamed.

He looked at Fili and Kili. They were Thorin's nephews. Loyal and understanding, yes, but at the end of the day, they would tell Thorin.

Maybe he should tell Thorin. Harbouring an old acquaintance was one thing, even said a acquaintance had _the object of desire_. but harbouring a possible asset to the case was a different story all together.

At the same time... Had Bilbo wanted help from the team, he would have asked. Bilbo was never the one to bear pain in silence, never the one to be the solitary hero, so...

Dwalin made a decision. He will talk to Bilbo. He should've done it long ago.

"Ooooo. It's alive!" That was Bofur. Dwalin turned to look at the man.

"We wondered, when will you return to us. " Explained Nori "We know, you are the oldest of us here, and the rest of grandpas is somewhere else, grunting meaningfully and pestering Saruman's secretaries, so we get that you feel lonely, but still... Rude, mate."

"I will explain everything soon." With that, Dwalin stood up and left without a word. He sent a text to Thorin that he was going home early and did just that.

***

When he got home, Bilbo was watching the TV.

"You are early."

"Observantly noted. No wonder you are a burglar, with such keen eyes!" He needed beer. Lots of it.

"I am so happy that our authorities are full of wit." Deadpanned Bilbo. "Do you want something to eat?" Dwalin considered it.

"Not now. I hate to say it, but we need to talk."

"Oh, my..." The Bilbo from 2 years ago would have said ' I hope you are not about to tell me you'd rather be friends, I'm terrible at staying just friends' or something like this. The current one just sat down straighter.

"I looked into the files. You weren't kidding about Gundabad. They are actively searching for you. My question is, why."

"Because I stole from them, imagine that." Here, Bilbo smiled crookedly.

"That much I figured out. What for?"

Bilbo snorted.

"Now you are interested in 'why'?"

Dwalin resisted a strong urge to whack him on the head.

"Do you really feel satisfied with being cupped in my flat? Maybe you are here not because you needed safety, but because you needed someone to cook for, and..."

"Maybe not. " Interrupted the burglar." I thought we had a deal. You let me stay here until I get the all clear to go back to minding my own business, and in return, I give you the Arkenstone. "

"What if I offer you a more permanent solution?" That's it. He said it. He officially got more involved in the mess called Bilbo Baggins' life. The man in question was now looking at him in silence, his gaze calculating. Truly, at most of the time, Bilbo Baggins' appearance did not betray his wits. But there were moments like this one, when the short man looked dangerous.

"And what solution would that be?" Dwalin drank his beer for a moment, trying to put his offer into words.

"I will help you with Gundabad." He said finally. Here, Bilbo laughed.

" _You_ will help _me_? More like you want me to give you information. Their whereabouts, their people. And you will arrest them, take the Arkenstone and call it a day. We have already danced this waltz, remember?" For a moment Dwalin considered punching the burglar, for old times' sake.

"This time, you won't steal from us. And you will not see Thorin." He gritted out. Before Bilbo could say anything else, Dwalin made a 'stop' gesture. "I don't want to argue about what happened. I will still hate you for it, and so will the rest of the team, but we can help each other out. Dinners or not, living with you is not exactly my wish came true, and while I am sure I'm magnificent company, you cannot seriously want to spend God knows how many weeks, maybe months at my place."

"Fair enough." Replied Bilbo, standing up and crossing his arms. "But I cannot give you everything."

"So you've got something." Bilbo's gaze reminded Dwalin of that of a teacher, dealing with particularly dumb child.

"No. I decided to run away from the unknown threat, just in case they shall look for me. Of course I know something. And I could've told you this sooner, had you only asked."

"I didn't want to ask." Bilbo started pacing.

"I know that. And I didn't really want to tell, since you were so bent on seeing me as a villain. But now I will have to. "

"Oh, joy." With that, Dwalin went to the kitchen to grab another beer. He needed all the support he could get.

"Please. You secretly want to listen to what I have to say, so you can judge me even harder." Whispered Bilbo bitterly. "I'm going to take a shower, I did not feel comfortable doing that without anyone here manning the fort. Then, we can talk."

Not waiting for any answer, the burglar disappeared behind the bathroom door. Just great.

Being a guard in some gallery suddenly seemed like a very appealing idea. No emotionally charged burglars, no stress over withholding vital information from your colleagues, much more beer in the fridge...

He was opening yet another one when the doorbell rang. Probably a postman. Or yet another figure from the past looking for a safe hideout.

Just in case, Dwalin took his gun with him.

When he opened the door, he decided he should make use of it and just shoot himself.

"Good that I've found you here." Said Thorin and without any preamble, he entered the flat. " You are not answering your phone, so I figured I'll check on you."

He needed to go. He needed to go right fucking now.

"Listen, Thorin.."  Started Dwalin, following Thorin to kitchen, where his best friend as usual, without asking, helped himself to Dwalin's beer.

"No, you listen. The team is worried about you. I know, this case is not going as smoothly as we'd like it to, but something is obviously eating you. Even Bombur noticed, and he only saw you today in cafeteria. "

"I..." He tried again, but his brain was still blaring the warning sirens and he could not gather his thoughts.

"And Balin claims that something has been bothering you even earlier, so let's call it an intervention. What's going on? Do you want to talk?" Thorin went now back to the living room, sitting exactly in the place previously occupied by Bilbo.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

The shower was easily heard through the door.

"Oh." Now Thorin looked uncomfortable. "So that's what's going on." He took a mournful sip out of his bottle.

"It's not exactly like this. I just... I might've found the lead to the case..."

" _You are sleeping with a source_?!" Whispered Thorin, scandalized. In a moment of rage, Dwalin considered reminding him, which one of them is known for sleeping with their sources. Ok, one particular source. Who was now taking shower in Dwalin's bathroom. Is this Shakespeare? When did his life change into this?

"No, I'm not. But my source is stressed, followed by Gundabad and kinda skittish, so maybe you should, you know..." Thorin narrowed his eyes.

"Is it someone from Gundabad?" _Damn it, Thorin, go away._ " Dwalin, now I'm asking not only as your friend, but also as your team boss. Is it someone from Gundabad?"

"Not exactly." _Don't leave the shower Bilbo. Don't leave it_. Dwalin frantically looked for any way of warning the burglar, but nothing came to his mind. What could he do, what would go unnoticed by Thorin?

The shower was still on.

"So...?" Now, Thorin was frightening, really. His face was twisted in suspicion and distrust. The worst part was, Dwalin knew he deserved both. He had to answer. To tell something that won't be a lie, but won't expose, who exactly was now in his bathroom.

"Someone who once worked for them. " He managed.

"And? That's all? That's all you are going to tell me?" It would have been better if he shouted. Shouting Thorin was a force to be amazed by, but this Thorin, the Thorin who spoke slowly, coldly- he was unfamiliar and frightening.

"Are you covering them?" Fuck it.

"No! I was going to tell you tomorrow. I talked to him and we were..."

"Him?" And with that, the lock of the bathroom clicked open.

"Your shower is really loud, I didn't catch a thing you shouted..." Said Bilbo, dressed in Dwalin's sweatpants and, fortunately, his own shirt. He was still drying his hair with the towel.

He looked at Dwalin, perplexed by silence.

And then he spotted Thorin.

And Thorin spotted him.

A bottle fell down and spilt over Dwalin's carpet.

"Bilbo."

_2 years ago_

First weeks of reconnaissance were uneventful.

Thorin had already memorized the names of people who worked for him and with few desperate calls to Balin and Ori managed to uphold the image of competent manager.

He saw Smaug only during the Friday meeting, for the rest of them only Baggins was present, to represent the boss.

So far, the search proved uneventful. Everything in the books seemed to be in order, at least as far Thorin was concerned. To be on the safe side, he copied every document he could and brought the papers to the team meetings.

Still, it was only the third week, it would be too easy if they stumbled upon something.

"Every business company is rotten. The more difficult to find the hoax, the more serious the corruption is. We are on the right track." assured everyone Óin, while they were sitting in the rented flat and eating pizza.

"If you say so." Said Kili then, dejected.

Thorin could understand perfectly. He also hoped for something more. Now, the fourth week started and he was determined to find something. He could not botch this case.

No matter what Dwalin said or thought, this was important. Both for the Bureau and for him. It was a disgrace, for an Oakenshield to lose a gem and never get it back. Hundreds of years of tradition. No wonder his father quit after this. It hit too close home. And now Thorin had a chance to set everything right. He will do it, even if it kills him.

"Good morning, Mr. Proctor!" Said the receptionist as he entered the building.

"And to you too, Beatrice!" He replied and smiled at her as well. It didn't cost him to be nice, and it might prove useful, sooner or later.

' _Make friends, listen to people._ ' That's what they tell you on the course.' _You will learn more with silence and a smile_.' With that in mind, Thorin tried to maintain good relationships with his co-workers, but none of them seemed to have information he might need. Anything really, taxes, unpaid bills, smuggling, anything. But there was nothing, no rumours, no gossip.

And then, there was Baggins.

The man seemed to be everywhere. He was talking to accountants, then he was with administration, only to pop by HR before lunch. Everything seemed to go through his hands, and yet he was still well liked, even if slightly look down upon by the rest of the staff.

But there was something odd about that man.

He rarely smiled at Thorin, while he had a smile ready for everyone else. Did he suspect him like Smaug did? It would be a tricky game, to get info from him, but at the same time, it might be the only way.

He entered his department. Three hours of 'work' and he is free to roam about the building pretending to have lunch.

***

Still nothing new.

 _"Man, that's disappointing_." Said Kili's voice in Thorin's ear. Thorin silently agreed.

 _"Maybe you should strike a friendship with that receptionist lady, she seems to have a crush on you."_ suggested Bofur.

 _"I think you should.._." Here Thorin turned them off. He knew perfectly well what he should and shouldn't do, he was the boss after all.

He went to the cafeteria. Most of his underlings preferred eating take-out in the office, few more sociable ones went to grab something outside.

Apparently, most of the employees did so, for the cafeteria was almost empty. Few guards, three women who looked like secretaries and..

One Bilbo Baggins sitting in the corner.

Better occasion would not arise.

Thorin took his trey and approached the man, who seemed to be engrossed in the papers in front of him.

Time to shine.


	5. Chapter 5

_2 years ago_

"I don't think I will get anything from him." Confessed Thorin the very same evening sitting among his team in their rented flat, now called Wormhall, because Bofur and Kili were left there alone for far too long and were free to play RPGs.

"Why? He is as stupid as he looks like?" Asked Dwalin, wolfing down the pizza.

At least Thorin had some kind of diversity in regards of his meals. His 'workplace' provided it's workers with many options, not limited to chinese take-out and pizza, preferred by Bofur, whose permanent base was here.

"Quite the contrary. He is smart, and tries very hard to conceal it."

"Oh?" inquired Glóin, handing Thorin another beer.

"I talked to him today, at lunch. You know, the usual, happy to be here, and all that. So of course, he blushes, stammers something about my references, about how working with professionals is such a pleasure."

"Seems pretty dull." said Glóin, turning back to the device he was dismantling. Kili and Fili were out, tailing Smaug and Balin was probably back at the Bureau, reporting to Saruman.

"Yes. And that was my impression as well when I left the table. Few hours later however, I happened to overhear his conversation with Smaug."

"And?" Continued Glóin in the same, disinterested tone.

"And, the little bastard was spying on me. I didn't notice him the whole day, yet he told Smaug exactly where I've been and what've been doing. He even provided his own commentary." That got Glóin's attention.

"Do you think he knows?"

"I don't know. He defended me. Said that though the time seems suspicious, there are no reasons to believe that my game is foul. "

"So, he is not that observant."

"I am not so sure..." And he truly wasn't. While Thorin did not doubt the cheerful and helpful attitude, nor had he spotted any kind of falseness in Baggins' smile, he had a feeling that there was something more. Maybe he was getting paranoid.

"Well, he is our best lead, so until we find somebody else..." Concluded Dwalin, putting aside the empty pizza box. " Until then, please, keep your mike on. I know, that it is awkward, but we need all the material you hear. You..."

"... never know what may be useful later, yes I know." Finished Thorin. "Trust me. I will not do anything that can put this operation in danger.

***

He was screwed.

He failed.

He broke the promise one week later.

Since Christmas was approaching, Mr. Smaug decided to organize a Christmas party for the company. It translated into Baggins running around every department, checking things with various people and looking slightly more hurried and sleep-deprived every time Thorin saw him. He was almost willing to admit that he became slightly fixated on the man. He was their best lead, true, but this excuse was wearing thin. It was just... Just the sight of the short director's assistant being so fussy and so surprisingly competent was fascinating.

Maybe that's why when the party was finally in full swing, Thorin immediately found himself sitting down next to Baggins at the table in the corner.

"You don't dance, mister Baggins?"

"When I have the energy for it, I do." The man sounded tired. Since he practically single-handedly organized the thing, it was no wonder."Do you?"

"Not my cup of tea." Baggins chuckled.

" Strange choice of words for such a tea-lover." That was interesting.

"How do you know, I am a tea-lover, Mister Baggins?" He asked this question without thinking, and immediately felt the dread of sounding too suspicious.

"That's what Smaug pays me for. Observing people. Rich people are very paranoid." Answered Baggins, smiling slightly.

"I think I'd have noticed you observing me."

" _Woohoo! That is flirting!_ " Bofur. Of course.

 _"Shut up, Tink!_ " Dwalin.

Blessed silence. Thorin wondered, for how long would it last. One again, the ear-piece was more of a nuisance, than help.

"Was that flattery directed at me, or yourself?" Baggins' eyes were sparkling with something and Thorin felt the irrational need to make them sparkle more.

"I'll leave you guessing. You seem tired." He said, changing the topic.

"I wonder why." Dead-panned Baggins."Let's not talk about work, I have it 24/7, I don't want to discuss it at free time, which in itself is a rarity for me. " Here, Baggins' smile disappeared. " Why do you talk to me? I am not exactly complaining, but I am not of your unit, and we hardly ever interact outside the meetings. Why me?"

" _Suspicious_." Heard Thorin through his ear-piece, courtesy of Captain Obvious Bofur.

Thorin weighed his options.

One wrong answer and everything could go South.

The Arkenstone.

The case.

They were worth a little risk.

He turned off the communication.

"I simply find you fascinating. Pardon my honesty, but when I first saw you, I didn't think much of you. But soon I noticed I was wrong."

"Well, at least you did." Mumbled Baggins in reply. Thorin opened his mouth to say some apology, but Baggins quickly added." Well, thank you. Now I don't feel like a total creep for knowing that you love tea."

And with that, the conversation changed direction. Bilbo, as he asked to be called, proved to be a good drinking companion. He graciously drank drinks the waiter brought them, sang with the music, when the DJ played a particularly catchy song, but most importantly, he talked.

And the more he talked, the more fascinated Thorin was. He talked about his childhood in the country, and when he spoke of his mother's gardens, his eyes shone. He laughed at Thorin's own childhood stories, mostly involving Balin and Dwalin fighting over Thorin's mother's affections and their crazy antics born out of fascination with Beowulf.

"That poor dog! How could you?!" Cried Bilbo in mock-horror, as Thorin finished the story about their epic fight with neighbour's bulldog, ended with luring the animal into the swimming pool two houses further, because the bulldog took his role as dragon a tad too seriously.

"We were awful, I know. But at least we have never set the fire to an apple tree, so you don't get the right to judge!" Here Bilbo pouted.

"That wasn't our fault! How were we supposed to know that his fireworks would stay on the ground instead of going up?" He defended, crossing his arms and looking like a petulant child.

"His?" Now, that is a detail that was not featured in Bilbo's story before. Immediately, Thorin regretted pointing that out. Bilbo's smile disappeared in a flash.

"Family friend's." he muttered and finished the drink before him. " I must go. It is getting late and soon there will be no bus left to take me home." With that, Bilbo stood up.

"I will walk you." Offered Thorin, also leaving his seat. Bilbo looked at him for a moment. Now he seemed to be calculating something. After a while, he nodded. They left the building an were hit by strong, cold December wind.

"I hate this weather." Complained Bilbo.

"Who doesn't. Where is the bus stop?"

"Few streets from here. I live quite a distance from the company."

Oh.

That was perfect.

The alcohol in Thorin's veins was now making him bold. No better moment than this. He could kill two birds with one stone, he could... He wanted... He didn't even know if...

Yet, Bilbo's eyes were very expressive. Thorin knew he wasn't lacking anything in looks department, and judging from Bilbo's looks tonight, he agreed. Not that it meant anything. He might simply don't want to.

And it could complicate things.

Or it could resolve some things.

It could be something good.

All he had to do was ask.

"I have a flat nearby." There. Here goes nothing.

Bilbo turned to face him, surprise evident on his face.

"Is this an offer?" The wind was blowing around them, and all Thorin could do was to look into the eyes of the man in front of him and observe the range of emotions there. He wanted them. Arkenstone could wait a day.

"Yes." He answered simply.

"What kind of offer?"

"Bed and Breakfast, if you want." The silence was heavy with the implication. Once again uncertainty appeared in Bilbo's eyes, and to get rid of it, Thorin made a step forward, stopping right before Bilbo. Bilbo's face was now facing Thorin's heart.

He was drunk enough to find that particular thought funny.

"I do."

***

They reached his flat in five minutes, more or less, surrounded by silence.

Thorin decided that Óin deserved a thanks for his choice of location.

After they hung their coats, Thorin went to the kitchen to prepare the tea, because seriously, why not, things were awkward already.

"May I?" He almost jumped. He didn't hear Bilbo's steps. He was getting slow.

"That depends what you are asking." Bilbo put his hands on Thorin's cheeks.

"Oh. Yes."  Thorin did not make a habit of bringing strangers home, and he felt slightly reassured, that Bilbo apparently didn't as well, judging from his expression then.

And then Bilbo kissed him.

It was like breaking a dam.

The tea was immediately forgotten.

All Thorin could see was this short, fascinating man, with his sparkling eyes, with his smile that was shy and triumphant at the same time.

And Bilbo seemed to make his up about something, because he was dragging Thorin out of the kitchen and simultaneously kissing him intently .

Kissing and fumbling, they made it into the bedroom.

"Anything I need to know?" He asked, taking off Bilbo's shirt. He received chuckle in return.

"Nah. No strange kinks or diseases. But please you will have to forgive me for stealing your covers later." Came the answer and in a swift motion Thorin's belt was missing and small Mister Baggins was already lying on Thorin's bed, pulling him forward by his belt hooks. Who would have thought. Thorin felt his lips spread in satisified smile.

"When you smile you look better." Said Bilbo, and for that Thorin smiled even wider.

"I'm always smiling." He said and kissed Bilbo's neck, which caused the smaller man to shiver.

"Not really. You always look as if you are auditioning for Batman. Tall, dark and brooding. Handsome, and all, we have got this covered that I stalk you daily, so it apparently works for me, yet.." He didn't get to finish, because Thorin decided he has had enough of listening about himself. They could always come back to it later. Now, he had more interesting things to focus on. Like Bilbo's neck. Or Bilbo's belly. Or Bilbo's mouth.

It was not something Thorin would normally do. But hell, he was damn glad that this time he made an exception. Bilbo in daylight was fascinating. At night, he was mesmerizing.

"Stop thinking. Or I might get insulted." And then Bilbo hooked his legs on Thorin's back.

And Thorin obediently stopped thinking at all

***

"I was not planning my night to end up like this."Said Bilbo after a while, turning so that he was laying on Thorin's chest.

"Me neither, if you can believe it."

"Yes, I figured." Thorin caressed Bilbo's spine and delighted in the shudder that followed.

"You figure lots of things." He mused, drawing lazy circles on Bilbo's still naked back.

"Told you. Part of the job."

"So you would've probably noticed if Smaug was doing something illegal, wouldn't you?" He wasn't even thinking about the case then, just thinking aloud. Bilbo froze.

"Oh fuck." He murmured.

"What's wrong?" But Bilbo was already off Thorin, and gathering his clothes. When Thorin got up, Bilbo held his clothing and was making for the door.

"What did I say?"

" You should've told me that you ARE from the FBI before it happened!"

_Jesus Christ._

He was screwed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, that took a while. 
> 
> And would take even a longer while, but thanks to itssweetpealove, that's not the case. I really want to thank you for writing the comment - it means a world to me, that somebody is interested in my work and likes it, so thank you so much for letting me know! I really hope that this chapter will also bring you joy :D
> 
> This chapter was greatly inspired by song 'Happy Together' by Filter.
> 
> In fact, I have a whole playlist of songs for this fic, but I'll probably publish it alongside the last chapter, because I don't like spoiling things :P
> 
> For everyone reading this: thank you very much, and I hope you'll like last two chapters!

_2 years ago_

"I still think you should've told me." Said Bilbo, after a short while.

Thorin almost sighed in relief.

Just moments ago he had betrayed his entire operation, trying to explain Bilbo why he shouldn't leave, and most importantly, that he wasn't just a convenient source. Mostly.

Nevertheless, of all the thing Bilbo could say or do, like hitting Thorin, breaking his nose and stomping outside (not that there wasn't an attempt, when he learned that Thomas Proctor was in fact Thorin Oakenshield), he decided to stay, which was a good thing.

"You know I couldn't."

"Well... If you had told me that you needed Smaug's files, I'd have given them to you two weeks ago." Replied Bilbo, crossing his arms and leaning back on the sofa. The smug smile spread on his face. He was mocking Thorin. He was actively mocking a FBI agent. Wonderful.

"You would?" Inquired Thorin doubtful, also crossing his arms and leaning back on his armchair.

"It is my duty to help the authorities, isn't it?" Now, the smile was just cheeky. The fussy and mild Mr. Baggins was lost somewhere and Thorin wasn't sure whether it's a good thing. Not that he complained.

He considered his options. Including a civilian in their operation is not exactly legal, not to mention the fact that his team would probably skin him alive for taking off the earpiece and returning with a source, mostly because he himself usually gave the 'Don't sleep with the source' speeches (Even though some, _Nori_ , thought the rule irrelevant). But on the other hand, he would have data he needed earlier, which meant that they could arrest Smaug earlier. That would be a good thing. The team would rejoice. And FBI would no longer lose money on financing two flats. That part should convince even Saruman.

"Would you be still willing to do it?" That earned him the sight of Bilbo staring at him incredulously.

"That's why we are still talking. I do not appreciate being a Bond girl, thank you very much. So, I stayed for the case, not for you, just to make this clear. This weekend I will have some new files, I should be able to copy them. Give me the address of your team and I'll drop by and deliver them." He started to get up, taking his empty cup (apparently not only Thorin considered tea to be the perfect calming down liquid.)

"Hey, you can give them to me..." But he was not able to finish.

"Forgive me, but I do not feel that I can trust you now, so I'll bring them myself. By your leave." And with that, Bilbo disappeared behind Thorin's doors.

That went well. 

***

He informed Dwalin . Who else? 

After a long portion of many insults and fucks, Dwalin finally calmed down. 

"So, what do you plan to do about it?" He asked, massaging his forehead. And he called Thorin a drama queen!

"What can I do? I cannot give them the address, can I? I'll just bring him with me next Friday. If he is false, we will shoot him on spot, if not, we will have files we need." Replied Thorin in a voice, that even for him sounded gruff. 

"Oh, someone is bitter. Not used to being turned down?" Teased Dwalin, but immediately stopped after looking at Thorin's face. "Oh, no, you are not going to swim in your guilt now. Now we have got things to do. That, and maybe you will get him to forgive you. It's not like you deceived him and then took advantage of ... Oh, wait, it is exactly like that!" Thorin glared.

"You cannot side with him! You are my friend, you should support me, or something." 

"Oh please, first of all, the fault is yours, deal with it. Second of all, he sounds ok, so I can side with him, since he is against you." 

"Is this revenge?" Asked Thorin tiredly, pouring himself another cup of tea. It is not like he was addicted. Not at all. 

"For what? For cutting off the connection without any warning and making the whole team mad with worry? No." For a reason unknown, Thorin could not bring himself to believe Dwalin's words.

*** 

Back at work things did not change very much. He still looked closely at his worker's files, but found nothing there. 

Bilbo whenever Thorin saw him was back to his fidgety, kind self, and nothing in his posture betrayed any contempt for Thorin. But maybe that's because they didn't talk. It was strange, and unpleasant. 

Maybe because Thorin felt guilty. Maybe because he thought that there was something there, some kind of _chance_ he destroyed that night. 

Whatever that was, he actively avoided talking with Bilbo  the whole week. 

Yet, the Friday was getting nearer ad nearer, and finally, during the Thursday lunch, Thorin gathered up all of his professionalism and approached Bilbo. 

"Good morning." He said, and for a moment Bilbo looked as if he wanted to say something else, but in the end he settled for 'Good morning' as well, but his eyes looked sad. For some strange reason, Thorin was sure that this sadness was not connected with him. 

"I was thinking, since we are set for Friday, I could give you a lift?" Bilbo raised his eyebrows.

"Are we set for Friday? I did not receive any address, and I specifically asked for it." 

Thorin lowered his voice to a whisper. "You know, that I cannot give it to you without any supervision. I can take you there, though."

Bilbo studied him for a moment.

"Fine." 

And that's how after 4 p.m on Friday Thorin was driving in circles, hoping to confuse Bilbo as where the team's quarters were, but judging from Bilbo's unimpressed face, he wasn't doing a good job. 

When they finally arrived, Thorin understood the full force of Dwalin's anger. The whole team was there. When he opened the door, he was greeted with eager faces of Fili and Kili, who were waiting impatiently to meet Mr. Baggins, the Man Worth Screwing Up For. Maybe the idea to disown them was not as bad as Thorin previously thought. 

"Not to offend you, but you do not look very, you now, bombshell-ish? " Said Kili and Bilbo blushed at that and stammered "You told them everything?" 

"Cheer up, lad. He didn't tell us anything. He told Dwalin though." Said Balin, introducing himself to Bilbo. Then, he glared at Dwalin, who was looking from Bilbo to Thorin and making strange movements with his eyebrows. Thorin refused to understand the implications. 

"And Dwalin told everybody else." Supplied Dwalin, shaking Bilbo's hand. "Before we tease you two to death, I must inform you, that it is a strictly covert operation and if you betray us in any way, we have the right to shoot you without asking any questions." Maybe it was a trick of light, but Bilbo looked slightly paler.

"Other than that, welcome to our Headquarters!" Exclaimed Bofur, patting Bilbo and dragging him aside. 

"Not the kind of welcome I expected." Whispered Thorin and Dwalin who was standing the closest smiled. 

"We need information from him. We want his trust and his loyalty. And now we know better than to sleep with him. And Glóin would probably have some moral objections, since he has a wife, I don't know if he told you." They both snickered and went on to join the rest of the team by the table. Bilbo was now being bombarded with questions from every side, and Thorin decided to aid him, but the man was faster. 

"Ok, that's enough!"He shouted." I don't know if you are trying to come off as intimidating or friendly, but there's no need for it! I am not doing this for Thorin, or for you, I'm doing it because it is a right thing to do! Smaug is a vile, law-breaking serpent and I want to see him arrested. That's all to it." 

"And yet you work for him." Pointed out Glóin. 

"And you probably love your boss and trust him completely? Also, some of us don't have the luxury of following their childhood dreams, and must choose the job that pays." defended Bilbo, a hint of ice in his voice. The mention of Bilbo's friend surfaced in Thorin's mind. But he quickly disregarded that. More important thing where going on. "I said I will give you files, and that's what I'm going to do. Nothing more." 

"Unless you fall in love..." Started Kili 

"... with the adventure connected with this job..." interrupted Fili. 

"... And decide to stay with the team!" Finished Kili, wiggling his eyebrows, and, surprisingly, Bilbo started to laugh.

"Great. So, if 'softening the witness' is done, we can move onto the papers. What have you got, Mr. Baggins?" Thorin didn't need to raise his voice, which meant the team was cheery, but watchful. Good.

"Oh, now it is 'Mr. Baggins'" Muttered Dwalin, and Thorin felt the headache approaching. 

"I am sorry I took off the earpiece, ok?" He said in exasperation.

"I am not." Came Bilbo's voice and while the rest of the team was busy laughing, Thorin noticed Bilbo's smug smile, and a faint blush. Maybe that _thing_ could be yet salvaged. Maybe...

"But, back to business..." 

"To defeat the huns!" Interjected once again Kili.

"I actually watched that movie!" Said Bilbo and started the discussion about Disney with Fili and Kili. Bofur soon joined in, and Thorin was left speechless. 

Those were grown up people.

He listened for a moment, not wanting to upset Bilbo and caught something about 'travelling a lot' and 'not having a TV for a while', but that was not what they should be doing now, even if Bilbo's life was interesting, which it was, at least for Thorin, and looking at the evidence before him -for his nephews. 

Still, he should interrupt them, especially since Glóin joined in with his Gimli's favourite movies.

Thankfully, there was Dwalin, who coughed loudly, with intent. "That's all very fascinating, and I am all for debate club, but we were meant to be doing something." 

Bilbo looked ashamed for a moment.

"Yes, right. So, I brought you his account statements from last three months, because that's how long I've worked for him. There is not much in it, but then again, I am not very good at reading bank accounts, so my judgment might not be the best. Still, there are some money there, that did not go through accounting section, or did they?" He asked, passing the papers to Thorin. 

He worked there too briefly to say something about papers from two months ago, but true to Bilbo's words, few thousands from Smaug's account had no verification in the books. 

"Either he gets them directly, which would be very easy to track, or there is someone at the accounting who clears the books." He said, giving the files back. "It doesn't matter, though. We have got our proof, that something is not right. "

"Yay." Commented Bofur, making one-man Mexican wave.

"Well, I am sorry, that I don't have more, but had somebody asked me earlier..." Thorin decided that the ceiling deserved his full attention, therefore he was engrossed in marveling at the cracks and missed the glare directed at him. Mostly missed. 

"There is something else you can do for us." Said slowly Bofur. Everyone turned to him. 

"And that would be?" Asked Bilbo quietly, unsure. 

"You could rig his phone. I hacked into his cell phone, but honestly, everybody know you can hack the cell phone, so we need his usual phone. He has one in his office?"

"Well, yes, but..." 

"Scared, Mr. Baggins?" Came the innocent question, but Dwalin is not good at 'innocent', therefore it changed into a very clear challenge. 

"Yes. But it doesn't matter, because I'll still do it!" Bilbo in his indignation would be a force to behold, but because of his height, he rather reminded Thorin of a very fierce hamster. Strange thought to have, but is cheered Thorin a little. 

"Good. So, after the meeting is over, Bofur will explain to you, how to do it. It should not be more difficult than getting hold of these papers." He tried to reassure Bilbo, but then again, he wasn't better at this than Dwalin.

"Great. So, you lot just decided to live here on pizza and wait for some Smaug's employer to fall in your way and do things for you?" 

The silence was telling enough.

"It is not our usual field of expertise..." Began Fili, ashamedly. " We truly wanted to do it by ourselves, and we would have, because we are a good team and we have Thorin, but your help is deeply appreciated." 

Bilbo smiled a little at that and dejected air that appeared before was now gone. "And what is your field of expertise?" 

"I wanted it to be Crime, you know? Drugs, mobsters, shootings! But we are in Art Theft."

"Art Theft!?" Now, Bilbo was definitely pale.

"Yes, we are a long way from our field, aren't we?" Said Thorin, trying to change the mood. "We are doing a favour to our friends at Finances. " 

"Yes, and in return, they..." But here, Kili was interrupted by Óin making 'shut up' gestures. "...they will be very grateful." finished the youngest of their company and turned his attention to the glass in front of him. 

"Right. So, that's it from me. I'll get going, but first, I'd like to know your codenames. You know, in case I need to talk to you on a cell phone, and somebody is listening..." 

There was something Thorin could not put his fingers on in this question, but he could not find any reason to refuse Bilbo.

"Fair enough. I'm Oak. Fili is Simba..."

"...That would explain Disney speech" commented Bilbo.

"Kili is Eagle One, because he is a child and could be not convinced to pick something else. Dwalin is Grappler..." 

"And you really don't want to know why." Said Dwalin, winking at Bilbo. 

"... Bofur is Tinkerman, Tink for short. " Here, Bofur waved his hand as if he saw Bilbo for the first time.

"Balin is Santa, don't ask him, just look at his beard, Glóin is Vader and Óin is Healer." Finished Thorin.

"I'll try to remember..." Bilbo sounded unsure."Vader?" He asked Glóin. 

"That's my son's idea, you see, he loves _Star Wars_ and when he learned, that 'Vader' means 'father', he..." Thorin, like the rest of the team went conveniently deaf at the moment. Not that they didn't like Glóin, or his family, they just heard this story dozens of times. Still, when they were picking codenames, Glóin proclaiming he wants to be 'Vader' was worth it. 

"He seems to get along with the rest quite nicely." Noticed Dwalin, still standing next to Thorin.

"Yes, what about it?" That came harsher than he intended. 

"Nothing. Just observing."  


"We need a codename for you too." Noticed Balin with a beatific smile, reminding everybody why he was the one called Santa. His eyes sparkled with need to adopt Bilbo. Creepy.

"Err..." 

"Oh, come on, we will find something." 

"I already have one, but I'd not like to share it just now." Replied Bilbo shyly. 

"So we will call you 'Burglar', since you are sneaking around and stealing things for us." Proposed Kili and Bilbo's smile became strained.

Maybe he had some bad memories connected with thieves? Maybe he had some bad misgivings with the police? Something was off. 

"You ok?"  Thorin asked, approaching Bilbo, trying to look as supportive as possible. 

"Yes. Burglar will work." He said." Now, Bofur, let's get started, I want to be home soon, and it is far from here."

Fifteen minutes later Bilbo was successfully dismantling the small spying device Bofur gave him and putting it back together for the third time, still listening to Bofur's instructions. 

"Great. So, you will know how it works, how to connect it and how to make it invisible. Right?" 

"Right."

"I have no more questions, the witness is free." With a wink, Bofur went to the kitchen, leaving Bilbo with a bug in his hand. 

"Yeah, I shall go, now..." 

"I'll drive you." Proposed Thorin. Bilbo looked at him sharply.

"Right. So, goodbye, everybody!" He shouted and was answered with 'goodbyes' and 'see ya's'.

"See you next Friday!" Shouted Fili. "We will bring _Tarzan_ , you uncultured heathen!"

Bilbo rolled eyes at this, but he did it fondly. 

Something warmed inside Thorin's chest. 

The drive to Bilbo's place was in fact long. And quiet. 

"Look, I..." Thorin started at some point, but Bilbo interrupted him with a wave of the hand. 

"I get it. Truly, you are forgiven and so on." And he remained quiet for the rest of the drive, deep in his thoughts.

Maybe they have put too much on Bilbo's shoulders? After all, as Baggins pointed out, it was their job, and laying it all on the civilian... 

They have arrived at Bilbo's flat. 

"So, I guess, you..." He said, turning to Bilbo, but was silenced with a kiss.

A long, wonderful kiss, that reminded Thorin, why exactly he took the earpiece that night. That it was worth it. 

"Do you want to come upstairs?"

He did. 

*** 

For another 3 weeks, everything seemed to go according to plan. 

Bilbo did his job well and Bofur had an unobstructed access to Smaug's conversations, and while no details were yet known, it was clear, that something was going on. 

One voice, which they could not yet place, was calling frequently and saying something about the Ring, but the code was still un-cracked, therefore they did not know, what was it about. Only that Smaug apparently was being paid for something and refused to sell something else. 

Not, that Thorin was much interested in Smaug's life now.

He went to the meetings on Fridays, he also met with the team on Wednesdays, but he preferred Fridays.

Mostly because Bilbo joined them. He provided information, he discussed, he gave opinions. He was a valuable source. But, what was more important, he was a valuable team member. After every session he went with Fili and Kili to another room to watch another movie Thorin nephews were outraged he didn't know. Once, he brought cookies, because he learned that it was Balin's birthday. Balin almost cried and adopted Bilbo on the spot. Even Dwalin seemed to be fond of their Burglar, if their heated discussions about tea versus coffee were any indication. 

And every weekend, Bilbo spent at Thorin's place. It was amazing, to wake up and see somebody in the kitchen, that before, was just a rented space. With Bilbo there, humming softly and preparing a pot of tea, it became something resembling home. To the point, where Thorin  considered simply buying the place, after the operation is done.

He tried to keep his relationship with Bilbo hidden, for the sake of the job. While he succeeded at Smaug's corporation, he failed miserably with his team. 

Mostly because his team, and especially his nephews and Dwalin knew nothing about privacy, and made raids to his flat at strange hours of night and day.

Since the first day they saw Bilbo there, they did not ask, just started to appear more frequently, the bastards. 

And Bilbo didn't mind. He strutted around in Thorin's shirts, claiming that his own were left at his place and prepared coffee for Dwalin, no matter how early or late he appeared at Thorin's doorstep, he was always ready to play cards with Fili and Kili, even though they cheated and he was aware of it. And that made Thorin happy, that made him imagining, what will happen after. After the case was finished. 

But what made him the happiest were those small moments entirely on their own. When Bilbo, already in pyjamas would curl up on Thorin, burrow himself in blankets and watch some Bond with Thorin, commenting everything and singing opening songs under his breath.

At work, they almost didn't talk, and that started to be a problem. 

He knew why they shouldn't, and he couldn't wait for this to end.He almost wished, that he wasn't FBI, that he was just another office worker, caught up in office affair.

The only thing, that kept him, aside from the duty, was the Arkenstone. 

When asked, Bilbo told him, that Smaug kept it in his office, under a very good protection, so only arresting the man would give Thorin what he wanted. 

In return, he told Bilbo everything about the Arkenstone. 

He told him about his grandfather, he told his own childhood dream of restoring it. 

And Bilbo listened with some kind of melancholy and sadness, and kissed Thorin's forehead every time Thorin stopped his story because of emotions it stirred. 

They were so happy together. 

And then came the Wednesday.

It was evening, and Thorin was already at the Wormhall, when Bofur's machine came alive.

_"Smaug, you gave me no other choice. Our man is already coming to get the Ring and you._ " Said the menancing voice, and hung up. They whole team was silent. 

"Isn't Bilbo still at the office?" Asked Fili, and Bofur said. "Well, his cell phone definitely is, since it is ringing now."

Thorin ignored the fact, that apparently Bofur rigged Bilbo's phone. What mattered was that some shady man was going for Smaug and will find Bilbo there. 

"Glóin, Dwalin ,with me! Bofur, listen in! The rest of you, secure the street in case the man escapes!" When they were running outside, Bilbo answered his phone.

" _Sting_." Said the same voice and that was it. It sounded like a threat. What Bilbo could get caught up in?

They rushed through the streets and soon they've arrived at the office. It was empty. Only one light was on. That in Smaug's office. 

"Jesus, are we too late?" Muttered Dwalin, but Thorin could not listen to him at the moment. They forced the door open and made for the elevators. 

When they've arrived at the correct floor, everything was dark. Thorin wondered, whether shouting Bilbo's name would help, but life was not a Bond movie, he could not risk it.

They moved silently, but forgot the alarms. They did not detect the invaders, but they detected them. 

In any normal situation, it would've make Thorin think. The door to Smaug's office opened, and two little balls were thrown out. 

Within seconds, the corridor was surrounded in some kind of smoke. Thorin immediately covered his face, but Glóin and Dwalin were not as fast, and they went down.

Knock-out gas. 

Gun trained on the door, Thorin barged in. 

The first thing he saw, was Smaug, unconscious and cuffed to his desk. 

Then, he turned. 

He should have known. 

There, in front of the safe, in black cat suit, with Arkenstone in his hand stood Bilbo Baggins, looking at Thorin in resignation. 

Thorin strengthened his grip on the gun.

"I should have told you sooner, right?" Asked Bilbo smiling sadly. 

And then he shot something blue at Thorin's neck and everything went dark.

*** 

When Thorin woke up, he was in his own bed, and the team was looking at him, worriedly. 

He didn't want to talk. 

He didn't. 

But he had to. 

"He knocked me out and took the Arkenstone." He said, because he didn't want to hear it from them. "What happened next?"

"Well, he left Smaug handcuffed, so when me and Glóin woke up we gathered you both and we took him in. We put him in arrest, but he claims that it was because of his dealings with Gundabad, and he didn't want to, and he wants to become a witness, he wants protection from government. He will lose company, but will remain free. 

'Unless Bard Bowman wins the case, then he will serve his time. I'm counting on Bard, he is a good man, and an even greater lawyer. " Said Dwalin. " Especially since the last part of the files Bi... We received happened to point out that he wasn't entirely innocent even before Gundabad, so there are chances that we will never see him again." 

"How did he escape?" One look and Fili and Kili told him everything. 

"We secured the street, like you told us to do, but we saw him running, and he told us that you send him out. It sounded so much like something you would do, that we didn't ask, after all you went there to save him!" 

"You didn't hear what he said to me?"

Now, Bofur lower his head, guilt evident on his face.

"I taught him too well. He had some device on him that interrupted any connection an made bugs go crazy. We didn't hear you since you entered the building. What's worse, you didn't hear me." 

"And what were you saying?" Thorin suspected, what, but running away from his mistakes was not something he wanted to do. 

"That I checked 'Sting' in the database. And that is a codename of a thief, mostly active in Europe, apprentice of Grey, the thief that stole Arkenstone... I tried to reach you, to warn you... We should have know better... All of us." He finished. 

Thorin looked at Balin. The man had tears in his eyes. 

"It is no one's fault, lad." Said Balin. 

"No. It is his fault. And mine." Answered Thorin.

It all made sense. Everything. _Burglar_. No wonder he looked uncomfortable. He was one.

All of this time, when Thorin felt guilty for lying to him, that wretched creature, that rat was deceiving him, was working for Gundabad, for everyone Thorin stood against.

_ I should have told you sooner, right?  _

_ Next time I see you, you won't say a thing. _


	7. Chapter 7

The silence was horrible.

Mostly because Dwalin knew exactly what will come after it.

And sure enough, moments later Bilbo ducked and two bullets were stuck in Dwalin's bathroom doors.

"Hey!"He shouted, but Thorin did not even pay him any attention, still aiming at Bilbo, who was now seeking refuge behind Dwalin's wardrobe.

"Can we talk?!" He shouted, sounding slightly out of breath." It's Dwalin's flat and I'd hate to repay him for his kindness with damages!" Wrong moment.

Thorin was beyond himself with fury.

Yet, he put the gun down. And then lunged for the burglar hidden behind the wardrobe and dragged him back to the living room.

"I don't care about your feelings at the moment" He hissed, blocking Bilbo's attempts at protecting himself. "In fact, I don't care about you as such."

He added and his fingers found Bilbo's neck.

That was enough.

"Thorin!" Dwalin shouted, using all of his force to separate the two. Thorin might be strong, but not enough. "It is my house. I get it, you want to murder him, and possibly me, but it is still my house." He growled and returned Thorin's glare with one of his own.

"You let yourself to be deceived by him. Or, you are a traitor." Whispered Thorin with fury, and that did it.

With clear conscience, Dwalin punched him in the face.

"Stop dramatizing. I told you, before you went berserk on us, that there is a reason he is here." Dwalin risked a glance at the burglar. He looked shaken and was massaging his neck absent-mindedly, as if he did not believe what happened. He probably didn't still. If Dwalin's observation skills were intact, the burglar didn't even fight back while Thorin attempted to strangle him.

Dramatic martyrs, both of them.

"I will not..."Started Thorin, but at this point, Dwalin was angry as well.

"You will not murder a person who came to **ME** for help!" He interrupted and forced Thorin to sit on the sofa.

The silent click was the only sign that the burglar was no longer in the room.

"Fuck." Dwalin also sat down, gripping his long forgotten beer."Now he will certainly get killed. Good job, Thorin."

There was no answer.

After a while, Thorin started to shake.

"Why you?

_Oh, for fuck's sake_

That's what bothered him?!

"Well... You did try to kill him, when you saw him, so I guess he was onto something. I tried to shot him, though." He answered, trying to put some cheery note in it. He failed.

"What was he doing here?" Now Thorin didn't sound angry. He sounded dejected.

And now Dwalin felt sorry for him. He remembered all too well, how many times Thorin in his most drunken moments wished for Bilbo to come back, to explain, to stay. Looking at Bilbo today, they probably did quite a number on each other, both of them.

"He came to me few weeks ago, claiming that he needs a hideout. I never asked why, or what, only once he mentioned that according to him, Gundabad was after him. I checked it, he was right. They are looking for him, so I decided to let him stay. Not of my own good will, though. He promised me something in exchange."

"And what would that be?" Poor, jealous, enamored fool.

"Not what you think, judging from your tone. He promised to return Arkenstone to me."

"WHAT." Oh, wow, Thorin was getting better, he was able to pronounce capital letters. Yay for sarcasm. Such a lovely defense mechanism.

"And you believed him? Dwalin, after all of this, you actually..." _That's rich coming from you._

"Pot? It's kettle on the line, something about being black?" That earned him a glare. Dwalin sighed." I figured that he would not be brave enough to screw us over again. Especially since his life is truly endangered and Arkenstone is the only thing he could give me that would convince me to help him."

Once again, there was silence.

"That, and he promised to share some info concerning Gundabad with me. You know, to speed up the inquiry."

"Why was I not informed?" Dwalin really, really shouldn't be giving his best friend and boss bitch face, but it was hard not to. "Have you been present in this room for past 15 minutes?"

Thorin blinked at him.

"Fair enough." Dwalin rolled his eyes for good measure.

"Why was he running from Gundabad?" Here, Dwalin sighed once again." He was about to tell me that after he showered. Imagine that, I'm not sure whether he will be ever talking again, after what you did to him."

Ok, so maybe Dwalin was kind of attached to the burglar, and slightly protective, but Bilbo will never know. Possibly.

"It doesn't make any sense. He will be fine. He probably wanted to mess with us." That had some kind of finality and Dwalin silenced his protest. If Thorin preferred to believe that, it was his own choice. And aside from that, Bilbo asked Dwalin for help, not Thorin, so Thorin was not required to care. Not that Dwalin necessarily was, but well.

"We will... Never mention it to the team. Especially to my nephews."

"If you say so."

With that, Thorin walked out of Dwalin's flat.

Dwalin was once again alone in his own house. He should be happy. He should enjoy his beer and thank every deity that he didn't have to do anything to get rid of Bilbo.

The peace and quiet was here once again. He looked at the mug on the counter of his kitchen. It still had coffee smudges.

Maybe Bilbo will come back.

He should be safe here.

Thorin would not come back, possibly.

Bilbo should be safe here.

He should return.

***

For another week, he didn't.

Dwalin was trying very hard to convince himself and everybody around, that he didn't care.

On the bright side, he didn't have to hide anything from the team anymore.

They already knew.

Not from him, fortunately. Thorin slipped up. From what Dwalin gathered, he phoned Dis and told her everything not knowing, that Fili and Kili were with her.

If they knew, everybody did.

They did not blame him.

Not everyone, at least.

Bofur and Balin understood his reasons the best and they tried to support both Dwalin and Thorin in their own way. Glóin and Óin chose denial and pretending that nothing happened. Fili and Kili though... Here, it was complicated.

2 years ago they welcomed Bilbo as eagerly as Thorin did. They loved him, in their own way, and they were hurt just like Thorin was.

Yet, the fact that Dwalin didn't tell them seemed to hurt them more.

Whether the team talked to him or not, it still ended with him eating alone in the cafeteria, as if they were in high school once again and Dwalin had done something un-cool. Really, all that was missing was the jeering of cheerleaders and somebody attempting to steal his lunch money. Not that anyone who tried would survive.

Finally, after two weeks of silence on Bilbo front, Kili approached Dwalin during the lunch.

"How... How was he? Was he... okay?" He said, putting his tray on the table but not sitting.

"He was alive. Bruised and stressed, but in one piece, if that's what you want to know." Kili was silent for a moment and then sat down.

"That's...good, I guess." He murmured, lost in his thoughts.

"He tried to ask me about you. Many times." At that, Kili lifted his head.

"Did he?"

"Yes. I refused to tell him anything, because he didn't deserve it. But once I slipped and started to tell him about you. He almost cried." Dwalin did not know what possessed him to say that, but he was glad he did. Kili looked as if some heavy burden was lifted from his shoulders.

"So... He wasn't just playing us 2 years ago." Dwalin wanted to point out that yes, it is precisely what Bilbo was doing, but thought better of it. He knew what Kili meant. Kili wanted Bilbo to truly like them, to know that all of his memories of times spent with the burglar were not false. As far as Dwalin knew, they weren't.

"Uncle has a hard time dealing with this." Said Kili, as if changing the topic. Considering that he haven't spoken to Dwalin in two weeks, aside from direct commands, it was not hard to notice. "He is not angry at you anymore."

At this, Dwalin cocked an eyebrow, disbelieving.

"No, really! You see, he is... kinda jealous that here he was for 2 years, mooning and hating him at the same time, all while you were playing house with him."

All right, that was _outrageous_.

Dwalin choked on his food in his anger.

When he finally managed to catch his breath, he just hissed "What."

"Oh, not romantically, I am sure and he is too, but... he saw that Bilbo made you coffee, he remembered that he saw a shopping list written in a hand-writing that was not yours in your pocket, and Bilbo was wearing your clothes when Uncle saw him so..."

"So your uncle is insane."

"Never said he wasn't." At that, Kili grinned. "On the other hand, he is worried, because despite himself he believes that Bilbo was on the run and frankly, he is just waiting to hear of a body found..."

"... Add in some self-resentment, Bilbo-resentment, hurt pride and lack of sleep and you have Uncle Thorin." finished a new voice, and Fili joined their table.

"Oh, we are on speaking terms now?" Asked Dwalin, almost sweetly.

"Yup. You had your punishment. You will not harbor known criminal ex of any of us ever again, right?" That was Bofur, also emerging gods know from where.

Oh, it was the friendship speech time in his high school movie. The only one missing was Thorin.

"Never again. Now I'm only harboring your current criminal sweethearts." He promised solemnly, giving into the mood of cheesy movies, which earned him little laughs from the rest. Maybe they will get back up after yet another Bilbo debacle.

***

Of course they wouldn't, damn Dwalin and his optimism.

The peace lasted for 2 days. They were all in their room, as usual, when there was a knock at the door.

Nobody at Art Theft ever knocked on the door. Even the Annoyingly Cheerful Guy just stormed in, radiating happiness and cheerfulness all around him. Puzzled, they looked at each other in confusion.

Finally, Thorin, as the fearless leader he was, got up and opened the door.

The man who entered was something else. He was lanky, tall and all dressed in grey. That should have been a dead giveaway. That, and the fact that Bofur's tech stopped working, as if something was jamming it.

"Who are you and why should I not arrest you?" Asked Thorin, politely, as if he was asking whether the guest would like some tea.

"I assure you, Mr. Oakenshield, arrest is not necessary, since I came him only as messenger." Said the man and looked around the room.

"That doesn't answer my first question."

"Oh, yes." Here, the grey man stared at Thorin with some kind of fond annoyance, as if he was being scolded by a child. "I'm Gandalf. You probably know me better as Grey, though."

"The thief?" Inquired Óin, almost breathlessly.

"I would prefer the term 'collector of arts', but if you must, then yes, the thief." Answered the man, smiling slightly.

"Then we should arrest you." Mused Thorin.

"Oh, no longer an active thief, now I'm truly just a collector of art. And yes, I actually pay for the art I collect, before you ask." Said Gandalf, still oozing the air of someone who is simply pleased to be here, at the Headquarters of Art Theft, talking about his past career as the thief.

"To what circumstances do we owe the pleasure?"Asked Dwalin, already knowing where this was going. He remembered Bofur saying that Sting was the student of Grey.

"Oh, as I stated before, I am just a messenger. I am to give this" Here, he took a package out of his coat" to Mr. Oakenshield."

Thorin, slightly dumbfounded took the package and immediately passed it to Bofur, to check it for any kind of explosives or devices. Gandalf observed the ministrations of two agents with polite amusement.

Finally, Bofur opened the package.

Inside of it, there it was.

The Arkenstone.

The bain of Thrain's existence.

The price for Bilbo's safety.

Now shining on the table in their conference room.

"Why are you giving us this?" Asked finally Thorin, not taking his eyes off of his heirloom.

"Because it no longer serves its purpose." Replied Gandalf, still not taking the smile off his face. And yet, the air changed, Dwalin could feel that. Something was wrong.

"What do you mean by that?" Asked sharply Thorin, before Dwalin beat him to it.

"Exactly what I said. It was meant to buy my student's safety. It is no longer useful. He asked me to give it to you." Another smile. Dwalin knew such detached smiles.

Apparently, so did Thorin, for he looked at Dwalin in understanding. Gandalf bowed to them all and turned on his feet, aiming for the door.

"When exactly did he ask you?" The man stopped.

And then, with the most bright and terrifying smile Dwalin ever seen, he answered.

"Before Gundabad took him, of course."

***

The silence as awful.

Dwalin started to hate silence.

He will probably come out of this whole mess with PTSD and fear of silence. It never meant anything good.

Thorin slumped on the chair.

"He was taken." He murmured, and for the first time, on Gandalf face appeared an expression that was not a smile. It was loathing.

"Oh, yes, he was, as he assumed he would be. There was one place, where the Wraiths would not search for him, but I was led to believe that he was almost strangled there, so maybe it was not as safe as he thought." At this, the old man's gaze went from Thorin to Dwalin. He refused to feel guilty, but apparently his feelings were gaining independence.

" We never asked him to steal Arkenstone, or to go against Gundabad." He defended.

"No, you didn't. Yet, his lover tried to shot him when Bilbo was taking the Arkenstone for the Gundabad." Judging from his look, Thorin was still to shaken to defend himself.

"Why did he work for Gundabad then? He knew what that stone meant for Thorin, he knew what it meant to all of us. He went against us, how is it our fault?"

At this, Gandalf deflated somewhat. "True, it isn't. It is mine. Yours is kicking him out of the flat when he came asking for help." With that, Gandalf turned once again, but Kili stopped him.

"What did you have to do with Bilbo taking Arkenstone from Smaug?" He asked, desperation evident on his face.

Maybe Gandalf had some kind of a heart, because he answered almost gently.

"I refused to steal Arkenstone from Smaug, because I had a rule back then, to never steal anything back. If Smaug hired me, I would never take a contract on Smaug. It's professional pride. So, when Gundabad asked, I declined. They did not take to my refusal very kindly. " He sat down.

"They attacked me in my own house, knocked me unconscious and left a note for Bilbo. If he wanted to see his uncle once again, he had to work for them. And of course, he agreed. At first, they tried to take more than just the Arkenstone. Under the pretences of making a deal, they wanted to 'buy' the Arkenstone for the 'Ring'. 'But Smaug wasn't stupid. After a few months of leading them on, he rejected the deal. He was well aware, that someone from Gundabad was hiding within his ranks. Of course, he suspected Mr. Oakenshield. That's why he was caught unaware when it was his own assistant who took him out. Bilbo took the Arkenstone and exchanged it for my freedom." Here, Gandalf sighed.

"It's a shame it did not succeed where his own freedom was concerned. "

"Why did he steal it back then?" That was Thorin. Good, he was still here, not in his pool of self-loathing, swimming another round.

"You are very unobservant, Mr. Oakenshield, if you don't know yet. You were not the only one hurt by the situation then. I think he tried to ease his conscience and give you what you cared for the most. " Even to Dwalin's ears the last sentence sounded very judgmental.

"Jewels cannot lie." _Oh, God, Thorin_. Dwalin exchanged exasperated looks with Fili. Cliché. Thorin was the main protagonist cliché.

"They cannot love either."

...And he found the right partner for that, wonderful.

"Okay. Before we start shouting hearty monologues at each other, maybe let's get some facts straight. First, Bilbo is not over Thorin. Thorin is not over Bilbo. It would be pretty easy to deal with, except for the fact that Bilbo is probably dead, or soon-to-be. So, let's spare each other another hour of hesitation and big words and let's get this straight- you came here to guilt us into helping Bilbo..." Here, Dwalin pointed finger at Gandalf." ...And you, after 2 hours of brooding and hurting in relative silence are going to let yourself be guilted into doing so. My proposition is - let's skip this phase and go directly into planning." The rest of the room looked at him in silence for a moment.

"Seconded." Said Glóin finally, and the tension lessened.

"Good." Said Thorin, acting as if the biggest secrets of his little black emo heart weren't just spilled, and switchied into boss mode.

"What do you know?"

"I know who took him, and where. I don't know what for, but I assume that they want the Arkenstone back. So they are probably keeping him alive." _For now_ , was left unspoken, yet still was heard by the whole room.

"So, where did they take him?" Asked Óin, trying to get the conversation back on right tracks.

"Here."

***

Dwalin sighed once again.

The whole team seemed to take the news that apparently their boss, Saruman the Great was accomplice of Gundabad, pretty lightly. Bofur even joked, that if he is from mob, their salary should be much higher, since they should receive bribes, or something. The rest pretty much agreed with him and was now enjoying the shouting match that resulted.

Or, rather, Gandalf defending himself with facts and proofs from Thorin's rage and shouts.

"And we were making such a lovely progress. We skipped the dramatic realization, the epiphany of rekindled love. We were so close to doing something." Sighed Fili.

"I have a feeling you are disrespectful towards your Uncle." Observed Balin, winking.

"I am just worried for Bilbo. They will kill him sooner or later. If we really arrested Smaug because Gundabad wished us to do so, then Bilbo is not only a thief, he is a witness- he procured the documents, he worked for Gundabad and Smaug. He knows too much." Suddenly, there was silence.

Gandalf and Thorin were staring at each other with hatred, but they stopped talking.

"Young Fili is right. I am not asking you to overthrow your boss or something. I am asking you to get Bilbo out of here. That's all. Then, Gundabad is your problem. I will disappear along with my student, and we will never cross paths again." Said Gandalf, and whatever protest Thorin had, died on his lips.

"Right." He said.

"Wow. Progress." Whispered Bofur.

"So, you are saying that they are keeping him here, in our cells?"

"Well, no one is looking for missing persons in cells, right? Only criminals are there." Observed Kili. Thorin gave him a quizzical look, but said nothing.

"The plan is relatively simple. I want you to get the papers, and take him out as a prisoner, everything according to protocol. No blasting guns and dramatic escapes."

"Pity." That was Glóin, and he also earned himself the Look. Thorin was really good at those.

"Good. But I want you to lead him to my car." Interjected Gandalf." Who knows what is in yours, if you are working indirectly for the enemy. Cameras, microphones, God knows what else. I want him in my car."

"We can do that." Said Thorin, nodding his head."Now, get me Ori. We need papers."

Few minutes later, Ori was present, and to his credit, his only reaction when Dwalin explained him the situation was "Not again."

***

It was easy.

Few hours later they had papers ready. They only hoped that the people they will meet on their way would be honest agents, unaware of who they were working for, instead of Gundabad's people. With Bofur behind the computer and Dwalin as his support, Thorin went straight to the Crime Wing.

There was no reason to mix the team as a whole into this mess. If they were found, Thorin and Dwalin could easily claim that they were involved emotionally in the case. The team didn't have to know. Hopefully, Gundabad will buy that. Gandalf was waiting in his car outside. Half an hour should be enough.

"Oakenshield! What brings you to Murder and Mysteries?" Asked Theoden, a young, yet enthusiastic driver with whom they have teamed up in many missions before. He could not know. Thorin was sure that Theoden did not work for mob. Maybe they had a chance.

"We heard you've got something of ours." He answered, giving the papers to the man.

"Oh. A thief! Well, possibly. Did he steal something lately, that you need him so badly?"

"Oh, only one heart." Answered Dwalin and Thorin was really tempted to kick him. If it goes sour, he will never get a chance to. And while he was at it, he should also murder Bofur, for laughing hysterically in his earpiece.

"Never heard of that, but hell, I would hear only if he killed somebody, or took it straight from the body, right?" Theoden smiled." Ok, you can go. But be mindful of the guards on the cell level, they are new, I think. New and not very friendly."

Thorin shared a look with his friend.

"Sure, thanks. They are possibly from Thranduil, if they are so unbearable." Theoden snickered and let them go. Good thing that it was his duty at the reception. Somebody else would have noticed the date of the last theft committed by Bilbo to be at least one year old.

" _That new guards worry me._ " Proclaimed Bofur in Thorin's earpiece.

"Yeah, get in line." muttered Dwalin as they entered the elevator.

Despite all of this mess, he still was the one Thorin trusted the most. Yes, it wasn't easy to learn that his best friend kept something as vital as... well, Bilbo, from him, but at the same time... Thorin understood him perfectly. Especially, if that was Bilbo's wish. He certainly did not make a good impression, with strangulation attempt, so maybe Bilbo really knew what he was doing, going to Dwalin. Still.

The burglar was like a festering wound, hurting from time to time and refusing to heal. Dwalin would call it trust issues, because he thought that reading psychological books gave him upper hand and right to cynicism. Thorin in his weakest moments would call it a broken heart.

"Hey." Thorin retracted from his thoughts." We are getting him back. And then you can be lovey-dovey, or never see each other again, whatever you pick. But it will be over." Said Dwalin.

That was... strangely reassuring.

"I think you are growing as a person." He replied, almost jokingly. Almost.

"Yeah, well. It is partly my fault. He wanted to tell me everything, I refused to listen, being busy executing revenge on him on your behalf, and all."

" _Awww, you are having bonding time...._ "

"Shut up, Tink" They growled in unison.

The elevator stopped.

True enough, the moment they stepped out of it, they were accosted with two men they have never seen before.

"What's your business here?" Asked the bald one, without any pleasantries.

Thorin gave them his papers, praying that it would be enough. Judging from the looks on their faces, it wasn't.

"Something is wrong. We need to check it with Saruman..." He never finished, because Dwalin and the back of his gun had fallen on his head. Thorin immediately knocked down the second one, checking for any transmitting devices.

"They didn't manage to contact anyone." He said, and off they went, not bothering with hiding the guards.

The lack of them would be more suspicious than leaving them here. It could be argued, that they simply got into a fist fight. _Yeah, right_. Still, missing guards was worse news than unconscious ones, so there.

"Good thing that there are few cells. I would hate to go _Star Wars_ and ask Bofur to find him while shooting to thousands of other guards.

"Don't give the Fate ideas." Whispered Thorin and went ahead.

He hoped for some kind of a sound, some kind of indication, that Bilbo was alive, but there was none. Maybe he wasn't there... Maybe he was....

"Here!" Whispered Dwalin. Sure enough, the cell next to him contained some small shape.

"Is he...?"

"I think he is unconscious." Replied Dwalin and took out the keys taken from the guards. "I sure hope they will not wake up before we leave." He added, opening the doors.

Thorin rushed inside immediately and was almost stabbed with a pocket knife.

Almost, for he stopped the attack with his hand.

"Ouch. "

"Thorin?" Came the confused question. Ignoring for a moment his bleeding hand, Thorin took a closer look at the burglar. He was barely awake, his left hand looked as if it was broken and some shadows on his face were most certainly not due to poor light in the cell. On burglars neck, Thorin could spot a shape of hand. He was almost certain, how it got there.

"I'm sorry." He said, without thinking. Bilbo just blinked at him.

"I thought you will shoot me then. You looked at the stone, and I thought..." He fainted before finishing the sentence, and only Dwalin's urging noises prevented Thorin from cradling the burglar in his arms and apologizing for everything.

But, Dwalin was right. Time to go.

They put the handcuffs on Bilbo, so that no one could argue why the criminal is unsupervised.

Thankfully, the guards had not woke up yet. It was something they will have to do later, namely dealing with the Gundabad and Saruman using the whole Agency as their own Black Ops. But, that was for later. Judging from the whispers he heard through ear-piece, his team was getting ready to revolt, if the need arises.

Now, they only had to get Bilbo to Gandalf.

With no further interruptions they made it to the room.

"How is he?!!" Whispered Kili frantically, as Dwalin closed the door behind them. Bilbo was still unconcious and in the light of day, his bruises looked even worse. But his breathing was steady.

"Ok, He will live." Said Óin after a short examination.

"Now, we need to..." The alarm blared.

"It seems that our new friends woke up." Observed Dwalin.

"Yes, and now they are searching for our Mister Baggins. We need to get him out of here!" Commanded Bofur.

Then, outside the window, a car, grey, _because why the fuck not_ , roared to life and parked strictly in front of the room, almost touching the building.

Not thinking much, Fili and Kili opened the window and tossed the burglar right into Gandalf's hands.

With a salute, Gandalf put Bilbo in the car and jumped back to the steering wheel, momentarily leaving the crime scene.

"Well. So, that would be it." Said Dwalin, but Thorin was not listening to him.

He was looking at the stone glistening in front of him.

Was it worth all of it?

Thrain would not see his son's success.

Neither will his grandfather.

And now, when the stone was in his possession, it seemed to be only that.

A stone.

Thorin looked up just in time to see the grey car blowing up.

_4 months later._

"To conclude, the Oakenshield team not only had uncovered the corruption of the Agency, they also defended the rest of the agents by knocking down and later capturing the enemy agents. I cannot see how protocol could applied in this case. "

Applause.

Truly, their new boss, Galadriel was great at speeches.

The cleaning of Gundabad's mess, catching Saruman and all of his accomplices had taken some time, but it brought back Thorin's belief in humanity. Almost every division seemed surprised to say the least when Thorin and his team captured the Gundabad guards and uncovered who the Finances were working for.

While they did not manage to catch Wraiths or the Gundabad boss, they managed to catch every mole within the Agency, and despite Disciplinary Board's great need to get them fired, to keep their jobs.

Mostly.

After all of this chaos, Balin decided to retire. Said that Art Theft was supposed to be about missing paintings, not arresting your own boss.

No one blamed him, really.

Now, as they were leaving the court, the whole team was swarmed by journalist, begging them to comment on 'becoming the greatest heroes of the year", and "showing the true, team-work".

Thorin decided to pass this opportunity to shine. Especially since his nephews were finally having the time of their lives.

Saying goodbye to the rest, he finally went home.

It didn't take him long to notice, that someone picked his lock.

If he could, he would sigh in resignation.

Gundabad?

Possible.

With gun in front of him, he opened the door.

"Not again, please. I'm not even doing anything." There, on his own sofa sat one Bilbo Baggins, healthy and almost smiling.

"You are alive." That was all he could say before emotion overtook him.

"That depends. If you are planning on changing that state soon, then no, I'm just a figment of your imagination." Answered Bilbo, not moving from the sofa.

Thorin put his gun down and closed the door.

"Bofur told me, that Gandalf probably faked the explosion in order to throw off the Gundabad." He started slowly.

"That he did." Agreed Bilbo.

"What are you doing here?" Suddenly, Bilbo's expression from playful changed into unsure.

"Hoping you won't strangle or shoot me, to begin with." Thorin opened his mouth, but Bilbo silenced him with a gesture. "I figured that you won't since the last thing I remember from the cell was you saying sorry. My turn. So, this is me. Saying sorry. For what happened with Smaug."

In few long strides, Thorin was in front of the sofa, pulling the burglar towards him. It was... It was too good to be true. There had to be some kind of 'but'.

Nothing good happened to Thorin just because it could.

"Are you for real?" "Yes." And true enough, Bilbo's eyes held no lie. Though, they never did. Or maybe Thorin was not looking hard enough.

"Why me? Why did you not go to Dwalin?" At this, Bilbo giggled.

"Oh, please. He loves to criticize me. And he drinks coffee. And I actually apologized to him already. "

"Am I the last on your list, then? Are you coming clean, or...?"

"Or."

And the last thing Thorin saw was the big, playful smile on Bilbo's face before he melted into a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finisheeed!
> 
> It is not exactly what I wanted to do all along, but I was informed lately, that I cannot keep on killing my characters, so well.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea whatsoever about the workings of FBI and companies, but, let's face it, this fic is not about it precisely, so I do not feel bad about it. Maybe slightly.  
> The title is of course from James Bond movies.


End file.
